Tough Times call for Tough Decisions
In everyone's career path there will always be a time when a colleague or boss will become a major cause of stress, sleepless nights and unhappiness... if you've never experienced that, then you have found a miracle... don't ever leave your job! Period!
I have worked in numerous styles of organisations, seen countless management styles and had a variety of bosses from born leaders to downright disgraceful bullies. I have managed some of the most wonderful and responsible staff as well as some of the the laziest good for nothing... ok... I'll stop there.
Workplace relationships are just that... relationships... with people that we often haven't chosen to deal with if we didn't hire them, yet we spend more hours per day with them than our own spouses or family. It is critical for our health then, that these relationships run smoothly. If they don't, you have some tough decisions to make. Battle through in hope of repair... or leave.
Recognise the Signs
Many years back, I pulled into my driveway at home and felt my shoulders tighten and exhaustion sweep over me, knowing that walking in the door was going to be draining... I realised nothing was going to solve the problems I was having with my partner, despite constantly working to fix them and it was time to call it quits. Nowadays I can't wait to walk in the door and be greeted by my loving partner. Like a spousal relationship, if you have nightmares about arguments with workmates or other problems at work, then something is wrong.
- If you regularly need to gather the strength to go through the door at work... then something is wrong. Life isn't meant to be that hard.
- If someone asks you about your job and you respond with "I love my job... but..." then something is wrong. The "but" says it all.
Even the General Manager was in fear of firing her after the failure of numerous interventions. I was earning more money than any of my previous roles, yet sadly after only a year, I chose to leave in preference for getting a good nights sleep. A few months later, over coffee with the GM he apologised for not listening to my recommendation to replace her... which he had since done.
A fellow employee that is abusive or bullying can be hard enough to deal with, let alone a boss or manager, but be aware of your rights and how a workplace should escalate an issue and how seriously it must be taken. A recent case in Australia saw a young girl commit suicide over the awful abuse she received from fellow employees and a boss that looked the other way. Be smart about it. Build a case, get evidence. Record emails, etc... Most phones have some voice recording capability, discreetly turn this on before meetings if this is a common arena for their tactics. If you tried multiple interventions without success and you're not receiving the support you need... Move on...
If you have an abusive boss... One Rule... MOVE ON
You can attempt multiple things, but in the end, they are like that for one reason or another and nothing you do will change them. Your time and talents are better spent with someone who will truly appreciate and value them. If you can't change positions or negotiate within the organisation to be under a different manager or boss, the leave. It's an easy thing to say, "leave your job", yet for someone engrossed in this situation it's a very trying time and a scary thing to leave. I don't say this lightly, I've been there, I was scared. I've rappelled off cliffs and 20 storey buildings without fear, but I was scared. This is the time to start canvassing your network like you've never done before... you will be surprised and amazed!
A couple of months ago I read this letter in a popular Help Me style blog and it reminded me VERY closely of an abusive Boss I once had.
Meet my boss... Satan
My experience was with a boss that was quite literally the most awful and abusive person I've ever met. It was a tumultuous time in my life, I had gone through divorce, immense personal upheaval and grief. I was the perfect person for him to prey on because I was in a weakened state. Many of his employees were also in the same state, or become the same while working for him... or became alcoholics because of the stress. He would walk into the office popping an ecstasy pill and smoking a joint. He'd come down off the drugs and then start paranoid delusional screaming abuse to whoever he wanted to victimise that day.
The turning point was one night after 2 hours of circular arguments with him over replacing his failing IT systems, I turned to him and said "This is a waste of time, I care more about preventing the failure of your business than you do, you simple want to argue for the sake of arguing and now I have missed out on spending time with my sons". At this point he called my fatherhood skills in to question in unyielding abuse... and I walked off in tears... for a moment.
Out in the factory I was consoled by fellow workers also staying back late. I realised enough was enough and I had to return to confront him... to the sheer horror of those around me (I think someone even wanted to call the police!). Their fear prevented them from seeing the thing that my anger had suddenly given me clarity over, that bullies are cowards and it was time his bluff was called.
I walked back in to the office with my head held high and fury in my eyes, he immediately shrunk in his posture. I stormed right up to him without hint of fear (even though the heart was pounding) and spoke to him only inches from his face, my eyes never leaving his and I quietly but firmly announced: "Whatever cowardly abuse, criticism and illogical arguments you want to dish about my work skills, I'll let you do that if that's the only way you can deal with life. Your can live in your world of drug induced paranoia and the illusion that your broken down and illegally pirated IT systems will survive, let alone the rest of your ailing business and the livelihoods of the 75 people you employ... but I put you on notice right now... I will say this once, so listen carefully... if you ever talk about my fatherhood, my children or any other topic that you have no knowledge of, nor right, nor business talking about, then I don't care who you think you are... there will be consequences. No one speaks to me like that. You of all people will not give me advice on Fatherhood. I am an exceptional father. Period. You had no right to say what you did, you have no right to speak to me that way and you will never do that again... is that understood?"He sheepishly responded with a "yes" and a genuine apology... something no staff member had ever seen him do before.
Now, I'm not recommending you start calling your Boss a coward or confront them. This was an extreme circumstance, with the end result being he ordered staff to sabotage IT Systems so he could find fault with my work and fire me. Gladly they gave me the heads up about his tactics and I made one of the most difficult decisions I have had to face... I walked. It sounds simple in retrospect, but I felt like I was walking into an abyss at the time and that I would lose my house, my car, everything.
Two days later I found a box with business cards of dozens of people I had dealt with in recent years and I rang every one of them. While I didn't succeed immediately, 4 out of the first 5 phone calls were along the lines of "oh Troy, if only you had called 2 weeks ago, I just filled the position, it would have been yours!"... What an ego boost, just the confidence builder I needed right then. It changed everything and it wasn't long before I had a fantastic role in a quality company.
So how is your job going? Honestly...
